Blackpool Beckons

Appeared in Volume 10/1, February 1997

A strange aspect of LP conferences (and probably all academic meetings) is that it is quite difficult afterwards to associated particular papers, workshops, or tutorials with a particular conference. Instead, what stays in the mind are the social occasions: the wine tasting in the monastery, the cruise down the Thames, the meal in the Eiffel Tower. Clearly, these extra-curricula activities are an important measure of the success of a conference and, for that reason, I would like to suggest that future conference organisers consider the merits of Blackpool.

Blackpool is a seaside resort in the North West of England, known for the 'Blackpool Tower', a large assortment of Bingo establishments, fish and chip shops, several ageing piers, and an enormous fun fair / amusement park. A provincial holiday resort of this kind may not immediately seem a viable alternative to the charms of Paris, London, Tokyo, etc., but it does possess all the necessary amenities.

Admittedly, Blackpool Tower does not contain a French restaurant, but there are several superior automatic vending machines in the lookout gallery at the top. Admittedly, the view may not have the magnificence of the Paris skyline, but it does have the rugged flatness of the English North Sea.

The conference could be held at any number of exciting venues, perhaps in one of the under-utilised piers. These include auditoriums, previously employed by the song-and-dance and comedy stars of yesteryear. These entertainment gurus are sadly long gone, but it seems appropriate that talented LP researchers replace them. The pier location also combines elements of a perennial favourite of LP conferences: the boat trip. Like a boat, a pier is close to water, and exposed to the glorious English weather. Of course, we must hope that the chosen pier (which will have almost certainly been built during Victorian times) does not decide to break loose from its moorings and embark upon a real journey. In any case, the risk will add a zest to the conference, and people are often at their most lucid during times of danger.

If the pier proposal is unappealing, the Blackpool amusement park may offer an amusing alternative. For instance, there would be numerous opportunities for symbolic meta-comments on conference sessions. What session would be placed in the "Hall of Mirrors", which one in the "House of Horrors"? A session held on a roller-coaster train would have the twin virtues of being brief and visually stimulating.

The conference dinner would pose few problems if it was based on ethnic English cuisine, such as fish & chips and black pudding. A similar drive for local relevance would demand the replacement of wine tasting by a trip to a bingo establishment. This would allow the mathematicians to consider number representation (e.g. two fat ladies, 88), while the developers could design the Worlds' first intelligent Bingo playing device.

Andrew Davison